Football Frenzy

Congratulations for all of you who spent yesterday doing absolutely nothing except pretending that your ass was sewn to the couch and eating whatever was within eyeshot during the first weekend of NFL football. You're a true American, and we appreciate your services. Good news for all Carolina Panther fans: even though Jake Delhomme has thrown 9 interceptions in his last 51 passes, the backup Josh McCown was put on IR today. Good luck and godspeed to you folks. Let me know how it goes. See you at the top of the draft in April.

Speaking of piles of poop, new marketing campaign for Big Ten football: Bad Ten. It actually works because Penn State appears to be decent. Half of the league deserved to lose this Saturday, but found a way to escape due to the favorable home field conditions. Northwestern hit a last second field goal to beat the crew from Ypsilanti who got pasted one week ago by Army. Wisco took OT to beat Fresno (not the chiles, the football team), and MSU was the first crew to fall to the MAC. Not that Indiana wouldn't lose to the MAC, I'm certain they would struggle to finish in the upper half of that conference. A miraculous goal line fumble saved the Loosiers for the second week in a row. Ohio State saved some face but found a way to blow the game to an 18 year old kid. Michigan ran all over the powerful golden dome. I'm sure it wasn't Fat Charlie's fault since he doesn't know defense. He should know better than throwing the ball around when you're trying to close out the game. Translation from Charlie to players: our offensive line is so gutless and nutless that I think golden boy needs to throw it around for us to have any chance of moving the sticks. Real nice coach, real nice. The Juice appears to be spilled down in Chambana, but ISU would lose a scrimmage with themselves. The Boilers put up a grand fight (no pun intended) with the Oregonians but couldn't complete an extra point kick to throw off the scoring. It's going to be another long season in Big Ten season, but any of these 11 squads could find a bowl game once they have to start playing each other.

To all you Bears fans out there, Blackhawks start skating in a few more days so that's good news. The newly revamped and renovated Urlacher is now on the shelf for another year. He should be really refreshed for 2010. Maybe he'll want some more new money. Follow the paper trail my friends, Briggs is the only Bear over the past two years to get new money and play worth a damn. Tommie Harris is the leader in the clubhouse for turd of the year. Back to back would be quite an accomplishment. Only John Thierry and Stan Thomas have been repeat offenders. I'm pretty sure I could complete passes with Nathan Vasher as the defender in one on one as all-time QB. No better way to ignite the fan base like tossing 4 picks to the hated rival. Congrats on that grand entrance Jay. I can only hope that you can back that athletic performance with turning into a complete douchebag all year. I'm sure none of those picks were your fault. Quick advice to the franchise QB: don't the throw the ball at the 350 lb fat guy when trying to run a screen pass.

Things I noticed, learned, or think from Week One: the Bucs secondary is awful without the luxury of the Cover 2, those pesky young Jets are going to give the Pats a run for their money this year considering their defense allowed zero points while missing two starters to suspension, Kyle Orton is smiling with his 1-0 record, the Broncos suck out loud, apparently filming Hard Knocks doesn't actually help your season, Mike Vick will not have a positive impact on the Eagles' season, teams really came prepared to hit yesterday, that doesn't include the Rams, and good for Mike Singletary beating the defending NFC champs.

Dear Mr. Fantasy

I'm not quite sure what type of fantasy help you guys are looking for this football season, so feel free to drop in a comment. I can do start/sit, waiver wire, or guys to buy low/sell high. Whatever my loyal readers need to help their season. I'll start by tackling potential free agents. Keep in mind that I play in a "Man's" league, which is 14 teams deep with only 4 bench spots, so if Cadillac Williams or Mike Bell is available in your league then you should know enough to pick them up. I was impressed by the Colts defense, but I worry that part of their success can be attributed to the rookies starting for the Jags. The Falcons defense looks primed for a good year with some serious playmakers. Keep in mind their bye week is Week 4 before you pounce immediately. The Packers D should be owned or you should own them. I favor receivers and tight ends that get lots of catches and targets. I think Shockey's big day was a product of the Lions running out of guys to use in coverage. When they play a team with a pulse, he won't score two TDs. Devery Henderson is a one trick pony, but either he or Robert Meachem will be worth owning this season. Keep your eye on the Saints. Austin Collie and Pierre Garcon will be asked to pick up their workloads with Gonzo out in Indy. If you replace one guy with two, that means neither is a good play. The Clayton brothers in Baltimore and Tampa actually look like receivers that will get a good deal of targets due to age (Mason) and injury (Bryant) in the other top wides on those rosters. Robert Royal, Vernon Davis, and Todd Heap all received plenty of targets this weekend and are tight ends to take a long look at in upcoming weeks especially with looming bye weeks. Speaking of targets, some deep league wideouts to watch are Laurent Robinson and Antwaan Randle El. Both guys get a boost from dead arm QBs who wet their pants when faced with a good rush.